Peaches Disappear Here - A Review

Just 8,000 viewers tuned in for the first episode of Peaches Disappear Here, in which Peaches ‘daughter of Sir Bob’ Geldof edits a new youth-orientated magazine. The crux of the show appears to be Peaches throwing numerous tantrums after she realises that editing a magazine isn’t as easy as getting money from her stupid twat of a father to spend on drugs and stupid clothes.

Audience reaction on internet forums has been overwhelmingly negative, tending to question Peaches Geldof’s suitability for the role of editor-in-chief of a magazine. Many viewers noted that her only real experience of journalism was a short-lived, poorly written column for the Daily Telegraph, which she used as a mouthpiece to slag off fellow socialites and those who unlike her, actually possess some kind of talent. Like when she branded fashion gurus Trinny Woodall and Susannah Constantine “upper-class bitches with no fashion sense.” Which she’s allowed to say because she dresses great and is really quite working class.

Peaches only real talent is for becoming famous off the back of her one-hit wonder, wallet-bothering, foul-mouthed father. Unfortunately for Peaches you can’t really stick “I possess the presenting skills of a mould-ridden bath mat, the journalistic ability of a dyslexic four year old and I have dated a couple of lead singers from crap, derivative indie bands” in the skills section of your C.V. Well at least she will soon be able to put “In 2008, I edited the first and last issue of Disappear Here magazine.”

The MTV show depicts Peaches as some kind of noble gadfly, pricking the egos of the pompous and the self-important. In actuality she’s a tedious little moron, about as suited to edit a magazine as Sarah Palin is for the US presidency.

Disappear Here? Please do.

JAMES MORGAN

Another shameless plug - the new Tart website

The Tart paper has a new website!

As previously mentioned on Cultural Wasteland our very own James Morgan is the entertainment editor.

The website revamp has been in the works for the last couple of months. While there's a few teething problems yet to be ironed out plenty of fresh content will be uploaded in the coming week.

So get on over to www.thetartpaper.com for some tasty satire.

Why I Went Right Off America

I’m not sure if the news has hit you yet, but I have renounced my Atlanticism. Before today, I was a lover of America, its people, and in particular American popular culture. For years now, I have consumed their films, television and music at a rate befitting of the silly little whore that I am.

But now, as the yellowed autumn leaves fall, so must my unfettered, unencumbered love affair with America. I am now an opponent of all things American, a rabid Gaullist, an opponent of America as fierce and outspoken as Hugo Chávez. For they, as a nation have gone too far – they’ve only bloody gone and started remaking loads of British television shows again.

Top Gear – this one may actually work, given that the show’s driving ethos is a thoroughly American one of rampant, blind individualism. They also like pretending that global warming is a myth, in order to keep driving big cars - which I'm sure will resonate with a large enough element of the American public to maintain a regular audience. Don’t be surprised if the hosts are even more afflicted with abject cretinism than Jeremy Clarkson, but without half his talent for sarcasm.

Spaced – thankfully this proposed remake of one our finest sitcoms has recently been shelved, following a largely negative response from fans, who perjoratively dubbed the proposal “McSpaced.”

If it had gone ahead, and have no doubt reader, it would have utterly shite, it would have served as a rather strange side show to the rising careers of Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright, two of the supremely talented triumvirate behind the original series. As mentioned by Pegg when he appeared on Friday Night with Jonathan Ross to shill How to Lose Friends and Alienate People there are videos of the remake pilot floating about. And apparently it is appalling.

Life on Mars – if you bought into the critical hype this was the nearest thing we have produced that rivals the elite of US television (The Wire, The Sopranos etc) in recent years.

I imagine the US remake will be about as subtle as a brick to the face, and probably half as funny.

Worst Week - I can only echo what my colleague Stuart has previously noted. To see the massive posters for this one up in Times Square as I did was just plain strange. The original British version (The Worst Week of My Life) was high concept (man has a really bad week,) but low in humour (tired slapstick). Aside from being quite dull, it often erred on the wrong side of wacky.

If Americans insist on remaking British sitcoms why not remake a good one? Peep Show undoubtedly wouldn't work, they made a pilot for The Thick of It but it was subsequently abandoned, the same happened to Spaced (as mentioned above), Coupling didn't work, nor did Red Dwarf. So actually, don't bother.

I just spent a month travelling around America, and to be fair to them none of them could understand a word I said in my accent, inflected as it is with a delightful south-east London twang. It’s easy to forget that we Brits are infinitely more exposed to the various American regional accents, than they are to ours. So their common complaint that they simply cannot understand the accents in British shows may hold some truth. But other than that, is there really any legitimate reason to remake all these shows?

So forget universal healthcare, the threat of Islamic fundamentalism and the financial crisis, the real issue in November’s presidential election should be which one of the candidates will put a stop to this remake business.

JAMES MORGAN

(Published in an edited form in the Epigram 15th Oct, issue 205.)