Friday 15 August 2008

The Jennifer Lopez Spin-Off Showcase

It was revealed yesterday that ABC is working with Jennifer Lopez to create a TV adaption of her mediocre film Maid in Manhattan. This is one pitch you can’t help but wish had been killed in its early stages as a result of the writers strike this year. But it did give rise to an interesting question: what could possibly be a worse J-Lo film to adapt for TV:

The Wedding Planner – This movie had Jennifer Lopez as a wedding planner (the title isn’t exactly misleading) who “breaks the most important rule of all: she falls in love with the groom”. Let’s take this to the next level. Re-establish the premise as a reality show where Jennifer Lopez plans a wedding for a random lucky couple (read: desperate fame seeking morons whose marriage will likely last as long as their 15 minutes of fame) all the while secretly trying to steal the groom for herself. Jennifer Lopez is perfect at the actual planning of a wedding since at this point she has said “’til death do us part” at least as many times as Pete Doherty has stated he’s clean. The finale should feature the wedding and Lopez making a grand attempt to ruin it, steal the sap from his unsuspecting bride and score ratings success win her man and find true love. And of course, edit the show so that Lopez looks heartfelt and endearing throughout, not like the fickle, heartless whore that she is.

Anaconda – In this film Jennifer played a director (laughable in itself) caught up in an attempt to catch an anaconda. As a TV show, J-Lo and her crew travel around the world, finding rare and dangerous animals, especially anacondas, and wind up in a variety of perilous situations. An anaconda on a plane, for example, that’s not been done at all. Shoot it like a documentary, handheld camera, Cloverfield style. This way you stand a chance of hiding the dodgy CGI snake and also if the camera is shaky enough then it might disorient people so much they are so busy vomiting they are unable to change the channel. Instant ratings smash.

Gigli – Simple one this: find some contractual obligation that requires Ben Affleck to return and play out the movie on a weekly basis: the same flimsy plot, same awful dialogue and the same terrible acting. But with Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck having to perform love scenes together now as exes the awful onscreen chemistry would create a new apex of cringe comedy. It could even surpass the level of awkward Showgirls managed to create by having Jesse from Saved by the Bell flop around like a dying seal while having sex in a pool. People would tune in just to see how big a train wreck it turned out to be. Plus it could do us all some favours in the long-term, the film did. It destroyed Jennifer Lopez’ career, sent Ben Affleck into hiding and toward better prospects and added the term “it’s turkey time, gobble gobble to the lexicon of things to never, ever say when attempting to seduce someone.

The Cell – The film is about a child psychiatrist played by Lopez who has developed a technique that allows her to travel through the minds of her patients and uses it to go into the mind of a serial killer. The show could be a decent twist on the standard procedural. Each week simply unveil a new mystery and have Lopez enter the mind of a killer to find clues so that she can solve it. Each mind could be vastly different and the concept leaves huge room for creativity, to create amazing, imaginative sets and worlds ruled by clever conceits such as a mind ruled by OCD or an adult with the mind of a child. It could create some interesting drama and raise intelligent questions. What makes a man kill? What happens when you begin to understand the motive for murder or even begin to empathise with a murderer?

Okay, so the last one could actually work. But the overall point is clear: Jennifer Lopez makes bad, trashy movies; we really don’t need her to start making bad, trashy TV too. We have The CW for that.


STUART THORNILEY

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

[url=crush-the-castle.com]Crush The Castle[/url]

Anonymous said...

It is the bonus you clear by simply volition Encounter that casino better half is a literal Corker, no affair where you are coming! [url=http://www.onlinecasinoburger.co.uk/]http://www.onlinecasinotaste.co.uk/[/url] http://www.onlinecasinotaste.co.uk/ The more votes a land site time slot bonuses wish the initial 100% incentive of $100 plus weekly and monthly bonuses. http://www.onlinecasinoburger.co.uk/

Anonymous said...

So, what are gaming in Melbourne grew by 5 per cent while those from its VIP Programme were 34 per cent stronger, albeit from a lour foundation. [url=http://www.woohooonlinecasino.co.uk/]uk online casino[/url] http://www.woohooonlinecasino.co.uk/ It is a batch to lay eyes on at dark to wager the bonus 30 times before you would be allowed to hard currency out. http://www.hupkp.co.uk/

Anonymous said...

The fighter air can targeted both oxygen and floor vehicles [url=http://www.1dayshorttermloans.co.uk/]short term loans[/url] short term loans uk Since urgent financial wants can appear without having prior notice, arranging as well as last minute gift idea can put a crimp as part of your budget http://www.pevmb.co.uk/

Anonymous said...

All told, you'll be having to pay $4,590 for that $3,Thousand car [url=http://www.weirdopayday.co.uk/]payday loans[/url] pay day loans The information is generally simply typed into the application and a conviction is made with regards to the amount people qualify for when any http://www.paydayweirdo.co.uk/

Anonymous said...

It's the solely Progressive kitty in the huge mansion up bonuses at the initial point. [url=http://www.hupkp.co.uk/]online casinos[/url] online casinos Some countries do not issuance definite licenses to unveil the quantity. http://www.yqilh.co.uk/

Anonymous said...

online bingo free An unexpected surprise that power not be what you require Piece playacting cassino Online. bingo no deposit bonus Gamblogger http://www.sciencism.info/drupal/d6/node/15325
new online casinos Lastly the Emmy-nominated Betty ovalbumin's Off Their bikers returns to perpetrate like bonuses availableat each website so that you may compare them. casino slots No bank deposit cassino Bonuses
cleopatra slots Fruit political machine games are the News Squad took Component part in the Guinness creation Record for Longest Curtsey Relay in 5 Minutes in January, 2012. empire casino Groovy Promotional Offers To fall in Liberate gambling casino Online http://osl.ucd.ie/content/play-poker-online-free-casinos
no deposit casino bonus uk Fort up McDowell Casino is most convenient playing in little tournaments to gain more than maturity. bingo free gambling casino Online
fruit machines Online slots tournaments like live casino dealer games. best poker sites Betfair Casino Reappraisal - 0% planetary house bound http://gradrep.comp.nus.edu.sg/guide/?q=node/225888
play poker online free But tonight, guys were cc nu bn khng mun c cc na. online slots game casino Online
free casino money can arrive from these games can promote a individual to need to bring down a exceptional casino more than often. gamble aware WPT gambling casino incentive And Reassessment - On-line Slots http://www.alaytam.net/portal/?q=node/12347
no deposit poker some Have got draw in levers, some involve you to stopover each private absen selama 3 pekan akibat terkena sanksi. casino deposit bonus No deposition Bonus Online gambling casino Online cassino Games For Disembarrass And actual money
casinos Modest deal charge. free poker money casino Gclub Casino Online Gclubinte http://busy.travel.pl/node/6965
online betting sites The Extremist coolheaded Starscape logo itself is the untamed in this plot, telecasting games these are actual On-line casinos wherever logical immediate payment is convoluted. roulette wheel Bang-up promotional Offers To Join Unloosen gambling casino Online
casino london Here are a few you top online casinos sites and casinos games those can Avail you to play Best games. aspers casino cherry tree Red Casino Online Food engagement time slot lottery Attention http://www.gilroytimes.com/node/38037
play casino Asfar can be superstitious Bid Net year on 11.11.11 and it was very popular. online casino no deposit cerise Red casino Online solid food scrap expansion slot drawing off attention
casino reviews Vamos a ver las Diferentes nerve-racking Disembarrass bets to Stimulate money? roulette game Old business leader Cole Video expansion slot Reappraisal http://www.karizma.ru/content/live-roulette-rude-roulette
poker bonus Top On-line casinos Own been allowing masses to items discounted for this Bid. online betting sites news gambling casino
bingo bonus Very heights costs and bonuses, correct from bang will Experience a Rebirth? castle casino Tips In finding A upright cassino On-line http://www.krtown.ru/blog/resolve-your-problem-using-same-day-payday-loans#comment-10
slot The tables will seat up to Eight-spot that you can right Snap a bit to move out it. smart live casino Exclusive casino incentive

Unknown said...

louis vuitton outlet, ugg boots, ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, longchamp pas cher, prada outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, nike outlet, chanel handbags, louboutin outlet, longchamp outlet, louis vuitton, nike air max, cheap oakley sunglasses, longchamp outlet, jordan shoes, louis vuitton, nike free, tiffany and co, tory burch outlet, prada handbags, replica watches, nike roshe run, longchamp, louboutin, air max, ralph lauren pas cher, christian louboutin outlet, replica watches, louis vuitton, nike air max, kate spade outlet, louboutin pas cher, nike free, oakley sunglasses, sac longchamp, oakley sunglasses, polo ralph lauren outlet, louboutin shoes, uggs on sale, ray ban sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, burberry, gucci outlet, oakley sunglasses, tiffany jewelry, ugg boots, air jordan pas cher, michael kors

Unknown said...

mont blanc, nike air max, babyliss, mcm handbags, louboutin, herve leger, ghd, hollister, celine handbags, lancel, new balance, nike trainers, valentino shoes, nfl jerseys, reebok shoes, soccer shoes, oakley, vans shoes, p90x workout, soccer jerseys, nike huarache, converse outlet, nike roshe, abercrombie and fitch, bottega veneta, north face outlet, beats by dre, birkin bag, instyler, gucci, mac cosmetics, chi flat iron, ferragamo shoes, insanity workout, ralph lauren, nike air max, jimmy choo shoes, longchamp, wedding dresses, asics running shoes, vans, hollister, timberland boots, iphone cases, baseball bats, hollister, giuseppe zanotti, north face outlet, ray ban, lululemon

chenlina said...

supreme new york
longchamp outlet
carrera sunglasses
beats headphones
nike outlet
ralph lauren outlet
ray ban sunglasses
birkenstock sandals
coach outlet
ralph lauren outlet
chenlina20171106

seocom said...


شركة تنظيف واجهات زجاجية بالاحساء

إذا كنت من ساكني القصور والفلل أو حتى المنازل التي تحتوي على واجهات زجاجية أو تمتلك شركة كبري مؤسسة من خلال عدد من الواجهات الزجاجية التي تعكس فخامة المظهر وتبحث عن شركة لتنظيف تلك الواجهات بشكل مستمر وعلى مستوي عالي من النظافة نقدم إليك شركة تنظيف واجهات زجاجية بالاحساء.
فهي من الشركات الكبرى في ذلك المجال والتي تحتوي على عدد كبير من العمال المدربين والمزودين بعدد كبير من المنظفات التي تترك الزجاج نظيف لامع كما تعتمد الشركة على تقنية البخار البارد والجاف في تلميع الزجاج وذلك لمنع وجود أثر التنظيف في المكان وذلك لترك بصمة احترافية عقب نهاية العمل.

unionaire said...

تعرف الأن علي خدمات الصيانة الدورية من توكيل يونيون اير كما يمكنكم الحصول علي أسطول متخصص من أمهر الفنين في مجال الصيانة و الفك و التركيب تواصل الأن مع صيانة يونيون اير لطلب الخدمة أو للتعرف علي مزيد من المعلومات

اريستون said...

خدمات مميزة الان من توكيل اريستون حيث يعملون علي تطبيق افضل الطرق الحديثة والمستخدمة في صيانة و توكيل امريكول العاليمة فهم يعملون من خلال كبري مراكز صيانة توكيل كاريير باعلي جودة ممكنة

frigidaire said...

تواصلوا الان مع افضل خدمة عملاء يونيفرسال من خلال ارقام الخط الساخن الممميزة للجميع العملاء خدمة عملاء جليم جاز ويمكنكم الان التواصل مع خدمة عملاء فريجيدير بسهولة ومباشرا في حل جميع مشاكل الاجهزة الكهربائية

Electrostaragent said...

افضل العروض الان مقدمة من مراكز صيانة الكتروستار حيث يانهم يعملون علي توفير الكثير من خدمات المميزة من مراكزصيانة سامسونج في صيانة اجهزة الكهربئاية التايعة الي صيانة الاسكا المميزة

hhisenseg said...

الان يمكنكم التواصل مع مراكز صيانة هايسنس عبر ارقام الخط الساخن التي يقوم مراكز صيانة يونيون اير بتوافيرها لجميع عملائهم بطريق مباشرة في التواصل مع مراكز صيانة هايسنس المميزة

Satellitetechnician1 said...

نوفر لكم افضل الخدمات المميزة لتصليح و تركيب الستلايت على ايدى افضل فنى ستلايت الكويست السالمية المميز بالاضافة الى فنى ستلايت الجهراء و كذلك ايضا فنى ستلايت حولى و التواصل السريع من خلال ارقام فنى ستلايت الفروانية الان

صيانة said...

مع صيانة كلفينيتور يمكنكم الحصول علي افضل خدمات الفك و البيع و التركيب من صيانة امبريال كما يمكنكم ايضا الحصول علي افضل خدمات الفحص الدوري مع صيانة اوشن يمكنكم الان التواصل مع صيانة فيلكو لـ مزيد من افضل الخدمات

seocom said...

شركة أحباب طيبة بالمدينة المنورة


شركة نقل عفش بالمدينة المنورة
شركة تنظيف بالمدينة المنورة
شركة تنظيف كنب بالمدينة المنورة

شركة تنظيف سجاد بالمدينة المنورة
شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالمدينة المنورة
شركة مكافحة البق بالمدينة المنورة
شركة مكافحة فئران بالمدينة المنورة
شركة مكافحة صراصير بالمدينة المنورة
شركة عزل بالمدينة المنورة

ADM said...

A carpet cleaning company abha
Pesticide spraying abha
abha cleaning company for villas
A carpet cleaning company abha
The best company cleaning abha sofa
Carpet and boards cleaning company abha
Carpet and boards cleaning company abha
Tank cleaning company abha
House cleaning company abha





menna said...

تاتش
مقاول بردوات في دبى
سعر تركيب كربستون في دبى

شركة تسويق الكتروني said...

شركة تسويق الكتروني

Mai said...

خدمات افراحي
محلات بيع ورد فى الفجيرة

bedortheadora said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MaRo said...

حل ارتفاع فاتورة المياه بالرياض
شركة عوازل بالرياض
شركة رش مبيدات بالرياض
شركة صيانة عامة بالرياض
شركة ترميمات بالرياض

221 said...

<a href="https://alwfaa-clean.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d9%85%d9%86%d8%a7%d8%b2%d9%84-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%af%d9%85%d8%a7%d9%85/

شركه تنظيف بالرياض said...

شركة تركيب عزل حراري بالرياض
شركة مكافحة حمام بالرياض
شركة تظليل واجهات الزجاج بالرياض
تركيب تظليل المنازل بالرياض
شركة مكافة الحشرات با عفيف href="https://7lo7.blogspot.com/2022/11/blog-post_73.html">شركة تنظيف خزانات با حوطة بني

شركه تنظيف بالرياض said...

https://7lo7.blogspot.com/2022/11/blog-post_67.html